Hi there, Lisa here. Before we start the show, I have a few disclaimers that I would like for you to keep in mind, as you listen to each Episode. First, this show will cover a variety of topics related to connection, mental health, work, & life; & some of these topics may be sensitive for you or someone you know. I want to offer you permission to choose courage over comfort when it comes to consuming sensitive content; & also, permission to respect your own limits when it comes to consuming this content which may be sensitive for you. I also need to indicate that while I am a licensed therapist, I am not your therapist. This show is not intended to be direct professional advice & you should not use this as a substitute for individualized, professional help. Lastly, while I can assure you that any of the coachable or teachable content I share will have demonstrated effectiveness – & are practices I use myself – I can also assure you that I am imperfect & there are times when I do not act as skillfully, as I would have liked. My goal is to act skillfully, most of the time; & I very much want that for you, too! Now, with that said, let’s start the show.

Hello & welcome to Wired to Connect, the startup mental health podcast that keeps you going every week, with our easily digestible lessons, skills, & stories, that you can put into practice immediately. I’m your host, your coach, your teacher, Lisa Birnbaum; I’m also a social worker, a therapist, & the Co-Founder of Strengths Squared: a therapy, coaching, & consulting practice, for startup founders & their teams, that I started with my wife & Co-Founder in 2021. The learnings we are sharing here, come from a combination of the lived experiences of the startup founders & startup team members we’ve worked with over the years, from our own lived experiences, & from research-backed strategies, too. And we are so excited to be able to share these insights here, with all of you now. In today’s episode, we’ll be discussing

Whether your startup has an accurate understanding of what exactly psychological safety is; why it’s so important; & then, how to foster it, effectively. Today’s episode is going to be a bit different, in that, my wife & co-founder, Marisa, will be joining me on the mic today! On a personal note & as some of our listeners know, at the time of this recording – November of 2022 – Marisa & I have 2 young kids, Maya & Parker. Maya is 3 & Parker just turned 1! And yes – like many of you – we too, are right in the thick of it, as we try to navigate both work & life. Anyway, with Parker still a baby, it just felt super-hard to have us both on the mic. It’s really thanks to Marisa, that I’ve been able to record these episodes at all! And there’s nothing magical about Parker turning 1 the other day; he’s definitely still a baby who needs constant care, love, & attention. It’s a milestone though, for sure, & so, we wanted to give this a try. Our plan from the beginning was to have us co-host together, & hopefully, we’ll be able to get there soon. For today though, you’ll get to meet Marisa – & spend some time with both of us – as we talk through this crucial topic of psychological safety.

As we hope you all can appreciate, so much of this is interconnected. We’re going to break all of this down for you in today's episode. So let's get into it. Let's make some meaningful connections.

So much of this is interconnected. I’m going to break all of this down for you in today’s episode. So, let’s get into it; let’s make some meaningful connections!

Support for today’s show comes from our very own, Strengths Squared. What if you really knew the type of startup founder you are, or the type of future-startup founder you are likely to become? Would it change your trajectory? Would you do anything differently? Well now you can better answer these questions for yourself, by taking the quiz we created, specifically for startup founders and future-startup founders. In 10, pinpoint questions, you’ll identify your leadership strengths, as well as your opportunities for growth. At the end, you’ll see which type of startup founder you are – or which type of future-startup founder you are likely to become – so that you can move forward with the clarity, courage, and confidence to ensure that your type is working for you, rather than against you. Just head to: strengthssquared.com/quiz to take the first step toward being the best startup founder you can be. That’s s-t-r-e-n-g-t-h-s-s-q-u-a-r-e-d-dot-com-forward-slash-quiz, and we can’t wait to hear which type of startup founder you are!

Lisa: In today’s episode Marisa & I are talking through what exactly psychological safety is – to be sure you have an accurate understanding of it – & why it’s so important for the success of your startup. Then we’ll get into how to establish, build, & cultivate that psych safety, effectively.

And now, a long overdue – & very warm – welcome to my wife & co-founder, Marisa Birnbaum. Welcome to the show, Marisa, so excited to have you here!

Marisa: Thanks so much, I’m very happy to be here! To provide some context into our topic for today, why don’t we start by having you tell our listeners about Google’s now-famous, research study, Project Aristotle?

Lisa: Sure! So, before I started working with Googlers, Google conducted a multi-year, research study, to understand the dynamics that defined their most successful teams. What they found was that psychological safety – which, in its most simplistic terms is, the belief that you can speak up without the fear of embarrassment or the fear of punishment – was by far, the most important of the dynamics that set their most successful teams apart. I know from my own experiences – and from the experiences of my clients – as well as from the research, that when psychological safety is experienced on a team, team members then feel safe enough to take risks & to be vulnerable in front of each other, which results in effective collaboration & feedback, healthy challenging of one another, greater creativity & innovation, & stronger connections with each other. Psychological safety is so crucial to the success of a team, that it is experienced as more valuable than resources, money, & training! In fact, a lack of psych safety stifles productivity, creativity, & innovation. It deters risk-taking & perpetuates only harmful competition.

Marisa: Great, thanks for that! I think at the time of this recording – again, it’s November, 2022 – many people working in tech will have at least heard of psychological safety, which was coined by Harvard Business School professor & researcher, Amy Edmondson, who also gave an excellent TED Talk on the topic. So why do you think more teams haven’t focused on providing this kind of support to one another?

Lisa: Good question! I think there’s a few factors at play here. Even after everything that’s been written on the topic, there are some who have managed to survive despite skirting the issue & therefore, haven’t appreciated its importance or its necessity. There are others who hold the faulty belief that creating this sense of safety would mean having a lack of accountability; when in reality, psychological safety & accountability are not at all mutually exclusive. They are 2 different dimensions & both are important. Also, holding people accountable without them feeling psychologically safe, only breeds a climate of heightened, unnecessary, anxiety. There are some who may want to create this sense of safety & don’t know where to start. Then, there are others who may think they’ve created this sense of safety & haven’t, or perhaps, they created it at some point & haven’t cultivated it, in an ongoing way. Creating, building, & cultivating psychological safety takes intention, time & effort. It’s not the same as implementing a new software development process or following a checklist to finish a project. What is needed first & foremost, is for founders & leaders to really understand what psychological safety is; to then model it, by example, starting at the top; & to routinely revisit it as things change & evolve.

Marisa: Okay, so, can you break down psychological safety for us, so that our listeners can really understand what it is & then maybe talk through how you would model it for others?

Lisa: Absolutely. The way I think about psychological safety is like this: If I’ve created a culture on my team that is truly, psychologically safe, a few things are not negotiable:

First, every single person on my team must genuinely believe that they are empowered to speak up about concerns and suggest ideas without these negatively impacting them in some way. This needs to be felt by those who are new to the team, & by those who have been with the company since Day 1; by those who have worked at a number of other startups, & by those who have never worked at a startup before; by those who have tons of other work experiences, & by those who are just starting out. And, for folks of marginalized identities, I would say this is even more important to ensure. Modeling this at the top starts by asking everyone, something like, “What would support from me look like?” – encouraging each of them to tease out what support would be most helpful – and then, either, ensuring I support them in those ways, or that I find a suitable alternative for supporting them. I think it’s most useful when this is done by meeting with each team member individually. Some additional – & relatively simple – questions I’d ask each of them routinely are, “How are things going?”, “What would you like to see change?”, “How can I help?”, & “What is something I could do to make things easier on you?” Then, I’d keep track of each of their preferences & use them to build a project schedule & an effective workflow.

Next, anyone on my team – including myself – who has been around since Day 1, must genuinely believe that they do not have all the answers; that simply because they are doing something that's working, doesn't mean that’s the only way of doing it & doesn’t mean that’s the most desirable way of doing it; & must be open both, to new suggestions, ideas, & solutions; & open to revisiting previous suggestions, ideas, & solutions. Adopting a mindset of “I’m here to get it right, not to be right” is a necessity; which can be especially hard for founders & leaders who believe we understand the business better than anyone. Often, this means founders & leaders needing to find creative ways of encouraging others to speak before speaking ourselves. When I’ve seen founders do this well, they tend to frame the work as a learning problem, not an execution problem. They make explicit both, the enormous uncertainty inherent within startups & as well as the enormous interdependence required of each team. Modeling this at the top could sound like, “We can’t know exactly how this will turn out. We’ve got to have everybody’s brains & voices in the game.” This creates a strong rationale for speaking up. When I’ve seen founders do this well, they also acknowledge their own fallibility. Modeling this at the top could sound like, “I may miss something here. I very much want to hear from each of you.” This creates an additional sense of safety for speaking up.

Next, everyone on my team must demonstrate a willingness to enter into conversations with an open mind, as opposed to already coming to the table with fixed beliefs around what makes for a ‘good’ idea, or a ‘bad’ idea, & who gets to suggest these ideas in the first place. Everyone on my team needs to understand that the idea we wind up going with, might come from someone who is more junior. When I’ve seen founders do this well, they ask lots of questions & take an approach of genuine curiosity; which serves as a sort of natural antidote to judgment. Modeling this at the top could sound like, “help me understand how you reached this conclusion…”, or “say more about how you imagine this playing out…” This creates a real need for voice & encouragement for speaking up, rather than doing or saying something that is likely to silence & facilitate shutting down. Useful starting points for this are structuring meetings in a way that encourages everyone to talk & allows enough time for everyone to talk; that doesn’t facilitate or tolerate team members interrupting one another; & that uses active listening skills to ensure an accurate understanding of what’s being said, rather than making unnecessary assumptions.

Marisa: And just so our listeners know, active listening is where you say back to the person speaking, what you understood them to have said, & then, you give them an opportunity to confirm or to clarify. This could sound something like, “From what I’m hearing, it sounds like you think we have placed too much importance on speed of response time in our SLAs & not enough importance on understanding what each of our customers’ actual concerns are, in order to respond in a thoughtful way that actually helps them. I’m also hearing you say that, because we’ve prioritized speed over quality, we’ve generated additional, customer support tickets that don’t need to exist, in effort to close more tickets. Am I understanding this correctly?”

Lisa: Yes, excellent, thanks for jumping in there to demonstrate what active listening sounds like.

Marisa: You’re welcome. Why don’t you continue with what you believe are the non-negotiables that have to exist in order to create a team culture – & company culture – that is truly, psychologically safe . . .

Lisa: Right, thank you . . .

So, the last of these non-negotiables is for every single person on a team – regardless of their job title – to engage in behaviors that flatten hierarchy & allow folks to experience being on an even playing field when brainstorming & working through problems. It’s crucial that we all consider what types of privilege we hold relative to one another & what each of us can do personally, to minimize existing power differentials. A helpful reminder is for each person to challenge themselves to either “step up” or “step back” prior to entering into any conversation, meeting, or interaction, depending on who else is present, relative to themselves. Another easy way to engage in behaviors aimed at flattening hierarchy during meetings, is to share responsibilities. When I’ve seen founders do this well, they create about 4, ‘special roles’ for folks – including themselves – to take on, during meetings. Basically – using a rotating schedule that remains ongoing – everyone gets a turn in these ‘special roles’. My favorite combination I’ve seen of these 4 ‘special roles’ – I think – is for 1 person to be responsible for leading everyone in a 10-minute mindfulness practice or gratitude practice to start the meeting off, 1 person responsible for facilitating the meeting itself (meaning, holding everyone accountable to their determined agenda & to their determined time estimates), 1 person responsible for helping the team notice moments during the meeting where someone might be prioritizing something else over the company’s core values (& this wasn’t intended to negatively judge, shame, or blame, whoever was doing this & was instead, meant to bring awareness to it, so that it could be talked about, openly & honestly), & 1 person responsible for taking notes during the meeting in the form of meeting minutes. In addition to this approach working to build psychological safety, an extra benefit – or, ripple effect – that often results from this, is that team members who typically have a harder time speaking up, report feeling increasingly more comfortable doing so, & increasingly more confident doing so, in meetings, generally (after stepping into these 4 ‘special roles’); while those who have an easier time speaking up, report viewing these folks in an increasingly more favorable light & increasingly seeking out their input more often; which – in my opinion – just creates such a beautiful feedback loop!

Marisa: Wow, that’s a lot to digest, Lisa. Anything else we haven’t covered?

Lisa: Actually, yes, [chuckle] one more thing I’d like to add. In its most simplistic terms, if psychological safety is the belief that we can speak up without the fear of embarrassment or the fear of punishment along with the additional details we just talked through, – & I’m hoping this may not even be necessary for me to say – this doesn’t mean speaking without limits, or in ways that utilize our power or privilege to speak in ways that are oppressive or ‘othering’ to folks. You & I both are very intentional about our dialectical worldview. We recognize that we humans are complicated, imperfect beings & that seemingly opposite perspectives or paradoxes can -- & often, do -- simultaneously exist; & we are both deeply committed to looking for the kernel of truth to another’s perspective. These are guiding principles that are fundamental to the way we approach our work & our lives; & these are all very much in-line with the concept of psychological safety. That said, I feel the need to be clear about the fact that – if there were ever a question – within systems that devalue & dehumanize people, there is no middle path we are willing to support. This doesn’t mean shaming & blaming others. It does however, mean, dismantling oppressive systems, holding people accountable for their actions, & supporting a person’s basic human rights above all else.

Marisa: Good thing I asked! As we hope you’ve come to appreciate, so much of this is interconnected. We’ll be back to recap all of these connections, right after this …

Support for today’s show comes from our very own Strengths Squared, a therapy, coaching, and consulting practice, partnering with startup founders & startup teams. At Strengths Squared, our goal is not to have to treat burnout after the fact; and instead, to prevent burnout from happening in the first place. We do this by equipping startup founders and their teams with the necessary skills to build sustainable, mentally healthy work cultures of collective care, collective accountability, & intentional work-life integration. If you are a startup founder, a startup team member, or are someone who might be a future-startup founder, and are navigating a challenging topic that you would like addressed on our show, or you have a question you would like answered on our show, please send an email to: podcast@strengthssquared.com for a chance to have your topic addressed or to have your question answered, on a future episode. Again, that’s p-o-d-c-a-s-t-@-s-t-r-e-n-g-t-h-s-s-q-u-a-r-e-d-dot-com, and we’ll keep our eyes out for your topics & your questions.

Let’s go ahead and pull all these connections together. To recap, my 6 suggestions for giving feedback, effectively are:

Lisa: Let’s go ahead & pull all these connections together. To recap, if I’ve created a culture on my team that is truly, psychologically safe, a few things are not negotiable:

First, every single person on my team must genuinely believe that they are empowered to speak up about concerns and suggest ideas without these negatively impacting them in some way.

Next, anyone on my team – including myself – who has been around since Day 1, must genuinely believe that they do not have all the answers; that simply because they are doing something that's working, doesn't mean that’s the only way of doing it & doesn’t mean that’s the most desirable way of doing it; & must be open both, to new suggestions, ideas, & solutions; & open to revisiting previous suggestions, ideas, & solutions.

Next, everyone on my team must demonstrate a willingness to enter into conversations with an open mind, as opposed to already coming to the table with fixed beliefs around what makes for a ‘good’ idea, or a ‘bad’ idea, & who gets to suggest these ideas in the first place.

And lastly, every single person on my team – regardless of their job title – needs to engage in behaviors that flatten hierarchy & allow folks to experience being on an even playing field when brainstorming & working through problems.

Lisa: Thank you so much for listening to today’s Episode of Wired to Connect & I hope this was helpful. If you’ve got a question, you would like answered on our show, just send an email to podcast@strengthssquared.com – that’s p-o-d-c-a-s-t@s-t-r-e-n-g-t-h-s-s-q-u-a-r-e-d.com – or use the link in the Show Notes. And, if you would like a chance to win a Free Startup Coaching Session, which retails for $500, keep your ears out in the very next section for-the-instructions.

That wraps up today’s episode. I hope you loved it! Don’t forget to hit “Subscribe” or “Follow” on your favorite podcast app, so you don’t miss an episode. And, we are currently giving away our Free Startup Coaching Session! If you want to win a free coaching session, just leave us a rating & write a review on Apple Podcasts or the podcast app of your choice; and you’ll be entered in our weekly, random, draw. This type of startup coaching session retails for $500, & can be yours for free; by rating and writing a review of our podcast. Then, listen in next week to see if you won. It’s that simple! Thanks so much in advance, for supporting us on Apple Podcasts or on the podcast app of your choice!

Marisa: Before we go, we want to leave you with this: Like many things, establishing psychological safety is not a one-&-done thing. It requires ongoing cultivation & re-establishing along the way. Creating – what Dr. Brené Brown refers to as – a safe container, is done by asking your team what they need in order to feel open & safe in a given conversation. This is one of the easiest practices to implement. Yet, many founders, leaders, & teams don’t know to ask this. There are a number of things that can get in the way of psychological safety. The behaviors we’ve seen most often get in the way of psych safety at startups are, behaviors like not recognizing judgment as such, giving unsolicited advice, interrupting, maintaining unclear boundaries, & sharing information outside of team meetings. You know, like, the ‘meeting after the meeting’ that not everyone is in on. On the other hand, the behaviors that folks need from their founders, leaders, & teams – whether startup or otherwise – almost always include acknowledging & reserving judgment, staying curious, listening & asking questions, being clear about what is known & being honest about what is unknown, & not sharing information or experiences about others that aren’t yours to share. Invest 20 minutes in creating psychological safety before any discussion, meeting, or conversation. The return on time investment is huge, in terms of building trust, & improving the quality of feedback & conversation. Make your intention of creating safety explicit & get your team’s help on co-creating it & effectively implementing it, together.

Okay, that’s it for us, for today. Be sure to tune-in to our next Episode, Episode 12. Can’t wait to connect with you then!

Thank you to my incredibly talented cousin, Andrew Fisher, for writing & playing the original music for this show. And, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my amazing wife, partner, & Co-Founder, Marisa, for your belief in me, & in this show; for everything you do for our family & for Strengths Squared, for everything you are doing behind the scenes for Wired to Connect, & without whom, none of this would be possible! Lastly, & perhaps most importantly, thank you so much, to all of you who are listening, for supporting us by choosing to spend your time with us, for connecting with us, & for keeping an open mind & an open heart. I’ll look forward to connecting with you in next week’s episode. And until then, take good care, & remember, we are all Wired to Connect!