Hi there, Lisa here. Before we start the show, I have a few disclaimers that I would like for you to keep in mind, as you listen to each Episode. First, this show will cover a variety of topics related to connection, mental health, work, & life; & some of these topics may be sensitive for you or someone you know. I want to offer you permission to choose courage over comfort when it comes to consuming sensitive content; & also, permission to respect your own limits when it comes to consuming this content which may be sensitive for you. I also need to indicate that while I am a licensed therapist, I am not your therapist. This show is not intended to be direct professional advice & you should not use this as a substitute for individualized, professional help. Lastly, while I can assure you that any of the coachable or teachable content I share will have demonstrated effectiveness – & are practices I use myself – I can also assure you that I am imperfect & there are times when I do not act as skillfully, as I would have liked. My goal is to act skillfully, most of the time; & I very much want that for you, too! Now, with that said, let’s start the show.

Hello & welcome to Wired to Connect, the startup mental health podcast that keeps you going every week, with our easily digestible lessons, skills, & stories, that you can put into practice immediately. I’m your host, your coach, your teacher, Lisa Birnbaum; I’m also a social worker, a therapist, & the Co-Founder of Strengths Squared: a therapy, coaching, & consulting practice, for startup founders & their teams, that I started with my wife & Co-Founder in 2021. The learnings we are sharing here, come from a combination of the lived experiences of the startup founders & startup team members we’ve worked with over the years, from our own lived experiences, & from research-backed strategies, too. And we are so excited to be able to share these insights here, with all of you now. In today’s episode, we’ll be discussing How to skillfully receive feedback.

Our Top 5 Strategies for Proactively Managing Startup Stress. I think it’s safe to say that we all experience stress to varying degrees. And, there are times in our lives when we’re overloaded & stretched too far. As I’m sure many of you know, it’s particularly challenging if this stress happens over & over again, & becomes chronic. Up to 75% of all doctor visits are said to be stress-related, & I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that studies confirm, stress negatively impacts our health. When we’re stressed, our ability to function well at work – in any line of work, really – decreases, affecting both our analytical work & our creative thinking. This is because the part of our brain that helps us survive, the amygdala – or, what I refer to with my clients as, Emotion Mind – gets triggered, taking the rational thinking part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex – or, what I refer to with my clients as, Rational Mind – off line. What we really need though, in the middle of a stressful situation at work – or otherwise – is to be able to access our Wise Mind, which is really, the synthesis of our Emotion Mind & our Rational Mind. My clients tell me all the time that they don’t actually want to be stressed & they describe feeling like it just ‘happens’ to them. So, how do they learn to access their own Wise Mind? As I remind them, the first step is to notice that they are experiencing stress in the first place. What are some signs that let you know personally, when you are feeling stressed? Do you experience tight muscles? A rapid heart rate? Racing thoughts? Indecision? Flushed cheeks? Insomnia? Irritability? Once my clients notice & acknowledge that they are experiencing stress, their second step is to focus their mind & calm their nervous system – allowing their body to complete its stress cycle – which lets them know they are no longer, in any real, or perceived, danger. I’m going to talk all about the importance of allowing our bodies to complete the stress cycle – along with the topics of chronic stress & burnout – on a future episode of Wired to Connect. For right now though, just be aware that slowing down our breathing & extending our out-breath to be a bit longer than our in-breath, brings our parasympathetic nervous system online which helps us to downregulate . . . It’s no secret that startup founders & startup team members are known to experience significantly higher than average levels of stress. And some of that is understandable. But, believe it or not, I’ve also seen many within the startup ecosystem create unnecessary stress that really does not need to be there. So, in today’s episode, I’m going to share with you the 5 strategies that have most helped my startup therapy clients to proactively manage stress within their startups. They’ve told me they not only feel less stressed as a result of implementing these strategies, but they’ve also described feeling personally happier & personally more motivated; & noted improved team communication & increased team connectedness. And, these are 5 strategies that you can really go ahead & implement immediately after listening. So let’s get into it, let’s make some meaningful connections.

So much of this is interconnected. I’m going to break all of this down for you in today’s episode. So, let’s get into it; let’s make some meaningful connections!

Support for today’s show comes from our very own, Strengths Squared. What if you really knew the type of startup founder you are, or the type of future-startup founder you are likely to become? Would it change your trajectory? Would you do anything differently? Well now you can better answer these questions for yourself, by taking the quiz we created, specifically for startup founders and future-startup founders. In 10, pinpoint questions, you’ll identify your leadership strengths, as well as your opportunities for growth. At the end, you’ll see which type of startup founder you are – or which type of future-startup founder you are likely to become – so that you can move forward with the clarity, courage, and confidence to ensure that your type is working for you, rather than against you. Just head to: strengthssquared.com/quiz to take the first step toward being the best startup founder you can be. That’s s-t-r-e-n-g-t-h-s-s-q-u-a-r-e-d-dot-com-forward-slash-quiz, and we can’t wait to hear which type of startup founder you are!

Okay, here are the 5 strategies that have most helped my startup therapy clients to proactively manage stress within their startups:

Audit & evaluate all of your meetings. So many of my startup therapy clients – founders and team members alike – report meetings being a source of stress, for a number of reasons. Some note that the timing, length, or frequency of their meetings are what’s problematic; while some describe not getting an ROI on their meetings or viewing their meetings as a complete waste of time. One of my clients literally had a meeting about meetings! Whatever the reasons might be for experiencing meetings as a stressor – as part of auditing & evaluating their meetings – I ask my clients to consider each of their meetings & to think about how they feel after each one. If their answers resemble things like drained, exhausted, frustrated, disappointed, stressed, anxious, depleted, this is obviously not good. I then ask my clients to consider whether any of their communications – which are currently scheduled to be meetings – could perhaps take place asynchronously, through Messaging tools like Slack, or through Project Management tools like Asana or Basecamp, or through sending their team a video or screen cast. Sometimes, their teams have questions that come back to my clients to field, but answering these questions on their own time, seems to make a big difference for them. While my approach differs slightly depending on whether my client is a founder or someone in a leadership position, or is a team member, & depending on how many time zones they’re negotiating; what seems to be universal, is that they all have more control than they realize, & have greater ability to push back on things than they thought they did. So, regardless of your role, what are some things you can do, to help your meetings work for you, rather than against you? Are you someone who prefers shorter, more frequent, team meetings, like a 10-15 minute, daily, standup; or do you prefer longer team meetings, like an hour-long, weekly sync? Are you someone who prefers spacing your meetings out throughout your day, with breaks in between; or do you prefer having back-to-back meetings, during a set chunk of time during your day? The point here is that these are decisions that can be made intentionally & transparently; & everyone is better off as a result. In what ways can you reformat your meetings so they're productive, energizing, creative, & bring out the best in you & your team? Are you ensuring that someone is always responsible for creating an agenda & sending it out ahead of time? Do you have a meeting minutes process? Personally, I really like the meeting minutes process described in Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead, where everyone takes their own notes; & one person captures the minutes – which include the date, meeting intention, who was there, key decisions, as well as tasks & ownership – during every meeting. Meetings are then stopped 5 minutes early to review & agree on the minutes prior to ending the meeting; & also prior to ending the meeting, the person capturing minutes Slacks them to everyone & puts them in any other relevant channels, so that there isn’t any clean-up or synthesizing guesswork afterwards.

Audit & evaluate all of your digital tools. Digital tools are great & – as startup founders & team members know better than most – there is always a new, digital tool emerging; promising to be better, faster, & to do more than the others; that folks inevitably want to try. I am even guilty of this myself! Marisa can certainly attest to how I have been known to download, each next, best, digital app. So much so that now, I do a monthly check-in with myself, where I audit & evaluate all of the apps on my phone & if there are any I haven’t used since downloading, I go ahead and just delete them. Seriously though, having all of these digital tools creates a lot of unnecessary stress. The more digital tools you use, the more complexities you have, the more opportunities you have for things to go wrong, the more security risks you have, the more trainings you need, the more things you have to keep track of/pay/update, & the more stress you have, overall. My recommendation here is to really get as basic & as fundamental as you can, by simplifying the digital tools that you use. One of my founder clients was using both Slack & Basecamp with their team & decided these two tools were basically doing the same thing. This particular founder decided to cut out Slack & to just use Basecamp. They fully acknowledged that Basecamp didn’t do everything Slack did; but that it did the important stuff, did what their team needed it to do & that they could live without Slack’s bells & whistles – which were just creating more stress – & reported back that the team was actually appreciative of only needing to check Basecamp. The point here is that you should use the digital tools you really need; & those that really add value. If you can prove it adds value – or brings in money in some way, shape, or form – then it’s a digital tool worth having. But, just because it’s a fancy tool – or because it may be fun to use – doesn't mean it’s a digital tool worth keeping. I assure you, the fewer digital tools you have, the less stress you will have when it comes to managing these tools.

Use the 1-1-1 Principle. My startup therapy clients are true innovators & have no shortage of ideas. What’s amazing about them is that they’re inclined to think outside the box & they realize how many different opportunities there are to make something great. Very often though, they find themselves struggling to remain focused, become easily distracted, & waste valuable time, energy, & resources needing to find their way back on course. This inevitably creates lots of unnecessary stress. My recommendation here is to really focus on 1 marketing channel, 1 product or service, & 1 offer at a time. Some of us want to be doing all the things right from the get-go. But early on, we just need traction. And the only way to get traction is to use the 1-1-1 Principle, by focusing on 1 channel to acquire customers, 1 product or service to provide to these customers, & 1 offer to present to these customers. This allows us to focus without tweaking or changing anything until we actually have some traction & until we know what's working & what’s not working. Once we master our first marketing channel, then we can add in another. Similarly, once we master our first product or service, we can add in another; & once we master our first offer, we can add in another, as well. This really helps eliminate unnecessary stress & keeps us from feeling overwhelmed.

Cut out what you really hate. So many of my startup therapy clients – founders and team members alike – report single, repeatable, tasks that are viewed as personally unenjoyable – for whatever reason – being a significant source of stress. Much like with meetings, my approach differs slightly depending on whether my client is a founder or someone in a leadership position, or is a team member; but here too, what’s universal is that they all have more control than they realize, & have greater ability to push back on things than they thought they did. So, regardless of your role, if you find yourself really hating some part of your work, check-in with yourself to determine why. I’m not talking about the things you’d rather not do or the things you find a bit boring. I’m talking about the things that you really hate & that bring on feelings of dread or distress. Once you determine why you find yourself hating this thing, ask yourself, “Is there any other way I could be viewing this task so that I do not hate it, or is there anyone who could help me to not hate it?” If that doesn’t help shake things up a bit, see if you can find a way to either automate the task or have someone else take this task on for you. When we aren’t bogged down by things we hate, we’re more efficient & we’re more effective. And, when we’re more efficient & more effective, we feel significantly less stressed. What is something you absolutely hate doing, that you can eliminate completely?

This last one is a tough one to start implementing, but is a real game changer . . .

Schedule out your time on your calendar for the entire year! When I work with a startup therapy client, one of our very first sessions is about scheduling their time on their calendar. I’ve said this before on the podcast, time is our most valuable resource. In order to ensure that your time is actually your own, you need to own your calendar; not the other way around! In order to make this happen, everything that you want included in your life, needs-to-be scheduled & accounted for, on your calendar. If it’s not on your calendar, it simply isn’t going to get done. My recommendation here is to start by scheduling your time off – both big & small – for the year. This means thinking through & planning various holidays or times off throughout the year, so that you give yourself sufficient time to recharge. If you have kids – like Marisa & I do – it’s probably a good idea to have their calendars handy too, so that you can note on your calendar any days where childcare might be an issue. After you’ve scheduled all of your time off – both big & small – for the year, & – if you have kids – after you’ve accounted for your kids’ things, continue by determining what hours you will spend directly working, & then, by scheduling any kind of daily time that will not be spent directly working. These times can be used for things like exercise, meditation, meeting up with friends & family, appointments, chores, grocery shopping, cooking, date nights, kids’ play dates, reading, music, media, journaling, hobbies, relaxing, you get the point … essentially, any of the things that help you restore your energy & help you to feel mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, & spiritually healthy. This forces you to feel a sense of control & contentment over your life, & creates an “I’ve got this!” type of feeling; as opposed to the opposite, which creates acute stress, & – if left unchecked – chronic stress & overwhelm, which can lead to burnout. Also, if everything is scheduled out on your calendar, it forces you not to do anything else other than that, or something that you’ve – intentionally – chosen to replace that. This is a huge stress relief because all the things that are important to you, actually get done. The decisions are all made ahead of time, &, not having to think & make those in-the-moment decisions about what to do with your time, relieves so-much-stress. Instead, your job is just to follow your calendar & implement what the calendar says.

As I hope you’ve come to appreciate, so much of this is interconnected. I’ll be back to recap all of these connections, right after this …

Support for today’s show comes from our very own Strengths Squared, a therapy, coaching, and consulting practice, partnering with startup founders & startup teams. At Strengths Squared, our goal is not to have to treat burnout after the fact; and instead, to prevent burnout from happening in the first place. We do this by equipping startup founders and their teams with the necessary skills to build sustainable, mentally healthy work cultures of collective care, collective accountability, & intentional work-life integration. If you are a startup founder, a startup team member, or are someone who might be a future-startup founder, and are navigating a challenging topic that you would like addressed on our show, or you have a question you would like answered on our show, please send an email to: podcast@strengthssquared.com for a chance to have your topic addressed or to have your question answered, on a future episode. Again, that’s p-o-d-c-a-s-t-@-s-t-r-e-n-g-t-h-s-s-q-u-a-r-e-d-dot-com, and we’ll keep our eyes out for your topics & your questions.

Let’s go ahead and pull all these connections together. To recap, our top 5 strategies for proactively managing startup stress are:

Number 1: Audit & evaluate all of your meetings.

Number 2: Audit & evaluate all of your digital tools.

Number 3: Use the 1-1-1 Principle, by focusing on – & mastering – 1 marketing channel, 1 product or service, & 1 offer, at a time.

Number 4: Cut out what you really hate.

And, Number 5: Schedule out your time on your calendar for the entire year!

Thank you so much for listening to Wired to Connect & I hope this was helpful. If you would like a chance to win our Free Startup Coaching Session, which retails for $500, keep your ears out in the very next section for-the-instructions.

That wraps up today’s episode. I hope you loved it! Don’t forget to hit “Subscribe” or “Follow” on your favorite podcast app, so you don’t miss an episode. And, we are currently giving away our Free Startup Coaching Session! If you want to win a free coaching session, just leave us a rating & write a review on Apple Podcasts or the podcast app of your choice; and you’ll be entered in our weekly, random, draw. This type of startup coaching session retails for $500, & can be yours for free; by rating and writing a review of our podcast. Then, listen in next week to see if you won. It’s that simple! Thanks so much in advance, for supporting us on Apple Podcasts or on the podcast app of your choice!

Before I go, I want to leave you with this: If you are a first-time founder just starting out, or, if you recently joined a startup, you might find yourself hustling super-hard, burning that midnight oil, & really pushing your limit. This is not-at-all sustainable, & more often than not, leads to burning out. This is a marathon, not a sprint. The way to break out of this cycle is to actually take control & to start using these strategies; so that you are working smarter not harder. And you don’t just have to take my word for it! Talk to anyone who's been down the startup path before, or anyone who’s ahead of you – aside from maybe, Elon Musk – & they’ll tell you the same thing! Don’t make these mistakes. They can be seriously fatal; both in terms of your startup & your health. And, at the end of the day, nothing is worth your health!

I’m going to close here today by offering you a short, powerful breathing practice, to help focus the mind, get it out of its addictive loop & calm the nervous system, which I will guide you through. This practice can be done sitting, standing, walking, or lying down. Let’s start by taking a deep, diaphragmatic breath in – filling the belly & the chest – & out. Breathing in fully . . . & a full exhale. And again, breathing in deeply . . . & out. And then, allowing the breath to return to its natural rhythm. The first step in working with stress is to notice that you are stressed in the first place. Being aware of your stress allows you to act to address it. If you are in fact, experiencing stress right now, how do you know? Is it showing up as a tension in the body? Maybe in the shoulders? The forehead? Maybe in the form of anxiety? Or, irritability? Whatever it is, notice your contact with the ground. Maybe your feet are touching the ground, or maybe you are making contact with your chair. Where do you feel the sensation of being supported most strongly? Allow yourself to settle into wherever you feel this grounding sensation, clearly. The second step in working with stress is to allow the body to complete its stress cycle. This can be done by paying attention to the breath, by slowing down its rate & extending the out-breath so that it is longer than the in-breath. In a moment, as you breathe in, I want you to count to 4. And then as you breathe out, I want you to count to 6. So let’s give it a try. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. Breathing slowly & extending the outbreath, brings the parasympathetic nervous system online, helping us to relax and downregulate. So, continuing with that pattern, breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. And continue at your own pace. [Pause]. And whenever you notice your mind ruminating on things, gently bring your attention back to the counting. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. Breathing in, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6. And continuing at your own pace. [Pause]. There’s nothing else to do right now. Whenever a thought or image comes into your mind, or a sensation comes into your body, gently bring your attention back to the counting of your breath. [Pause] And now, letting go of the counting of the breath & allowing it to return to its natural rhythm. And paying attention to the body & its contact with the ground. [Pause] And if you happened to close your eyes, allow them to open, giving them a chance to readjust to your surroundings. And from now on, pay attention & notice when you're feeling stressed. Then, take a minute to count the breath – extending the out-breath so that it is longer than the in-breath – allowing your body & your mind to calm. My hope is that you will take an extra moment right now, to simply be quiet; & that you will then start implementing the 5 strategies I discussed. Okay, that’s it for me today. Be sure to tune-in to our next Episode, Episode 9, & I’ll look forward to talking with you next time!

Thank you to my incredibly talented cousin, Andrew Fisher, for writing & playing the original music for this show. And, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my amazing wife, partner, & Co-Founder, Marisa, for your belief in me, & in this show; for everything you do for our family & for Strengths Squared, for everything you are doing behind the scenes for Wired to Connect, & without whom, none of this would be possible! Lastly, & perhaps most importantly, thank you so much, to all of you who are listening, for supporting us by choosing to spend your time with us, for connecting with us, & for keeping an open mind & an open heart. I’ll look forward to connecting with you in next week’s episode. And until then, take good care, & remember, we are all Wired to Connect!