11 guidelines for what needs to be in place prior to giving someone feedback

1. We’ll sit next to them, rather than across from them.

2. We’ll put the problem in front of both of us, rather than between both of us, & certainly, rather than putting it solely on them.

3. We’ll listen, ask questions, & accept that we may not fully understand the issue. 

4. We’ll look for & acknowledge what they are doing well – in any given situation – instead of only focusing on their mistakes. 

5. We’ll recognize their strengths & we’ll help them understand how to utilize these strengths to address their challenges.

6. We’ll hold them accountable, rather than shame or blame them. 

7. We’ll own our part in this, rather than believing we did all we could do.

8. We’ll show appreciation for their efforts as opposed to only critiquing their errors. 

9. We’ll talk about how resolving their challenges will lead to their growth & opportunity. 

10. We’ll model the vulnerability & openness that we expect to see from them.

11. And, lastly, we’ll be cognizant of the existing power dynamics at play – alongside them – as well as any of our own implicit biases; rather than not identify, name, or bring attention to them; & allow our biases to reinforce harmful stereotypes.

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